Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
