at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Operation Purity has been aborted
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
