if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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