I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
