Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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