first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
