I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
