just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
