When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
