The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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