dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
