she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
