everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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