What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
