he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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