I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
