I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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