these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
