Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize