Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
