I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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