I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
