No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
