My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
