She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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