roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
