Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
