just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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