I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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