I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
