so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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