i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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