I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
