I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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