You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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