did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
