i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
