He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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