"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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