There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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