I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
