I think I died a long time ago.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
