dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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