so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
