I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He? As in you personified your dick?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
