I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
