Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
