I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm passing your future prison.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
