I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
