pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
