My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
