are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
