Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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