Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
