Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize