Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize