I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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