I've blown a few things in my day
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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