She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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