ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
