i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
