i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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