Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize