i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
