Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
