I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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