absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
