I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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