I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize