Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
