Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
