We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
