Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He kissed a someone with a penis
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
