she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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