im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
